5 Things You Should Quit Right Now

Are you still berating yourself for those old mistakes? Can’t stop thinking about that time when you pass up that great opportunity? That time someone hurt you and can’t get it out of your head? Are you still feeling guilty about that occasion when you failed to apologize? Is it troubling to you that you cannot say “no” to people? There are so many habits we continue to indulge in that prevents us from achieving our goals.

We all dream of having a better life. But we keep staring at the past and this affects the way we progress. You cannot change what happens in the past but you can change the future by changing the way we manage and approach our circumstances.

Here are 9 things you should quit right now and avoid the hazard of gradual underdevelopment. Read them and be mindful that change doesn’t take place overnight, so be patient with yourself.

  1. Stop People Pleasing

Are you familiar with this terminology? I am sure many of us can relate. People-pleasing is what I called a mental disease. It is a very unhealthy way when dealing with others causing us to lose ourselves in the name of kindness. I thought that this made me a nice and easygoing person but that was a faulty perception. However, there is power when you know where it begins with you and ends with others.

When you think that the act of people-pleasing make you drama-free then you aren’t living your own terms. It’s a sign you are surrounded by selfish and disrespectful people. This is my experience so I won’t go into the science of it because I do not specialize in the field.

At some point, if you become conscious you must stop this dilemma and try to change. Stop putting yourself under pressure to be a good woman. And I say pressure because living in such a mess cause us to feel like we are dragging ourselves each day because of the burden it places on us. We must learn to let go of negative people and realise our worth and understand the importance of being authentic, instead of participating in others games in order to be that “nice person.” We must learn to accept ourselves and respect who we are and know that not everyone is for us. When we set boundaries for ourselves we must also do the same for others. Take that as a project to become your best self.

2. Dwelling on The Past

Repetitive dwelling on the past without any intention of generating solutions is unhelpful and can result in frustration and emotional distress. For example, we might have missed an opportunity that was going to catapult our life and realize our dream, and perhaps many more that we can’t seem to avoid the memory, and some days we might be able to shake it off and move on.

Nearly everyone dwells on the past at times. Some of us are more prone than others. I remember spending many hours thinking about a situation wondering what I could have done differently, what I should have said or done and if I can only have another chance at doing it again what I would do. Yes, I lived in my head a lot. But that’s just a story now because I decide to make a change after I realize that does nothing for me and stagnates my personal development.

Those negative experiences you had and moments you let yourself down use them as a lesson in the future. It is your perception that is distorted when we only view them as regretful and embarrassing. Reflect on it and learn how to respond to those situations asking yourself, How can this empower me? How do I feel about it? Reflect, learn and move on. Don’t nurture it.

3. Fearing Change

What is fear that we should be afraid to change? That cripple-like feeling that paralyzes our mind and triggers our thoughts, which most of the time is based on real stories and things that don’t exist. An example of fear of change is remaining in a relationship that is no longer healthy for you because you are afraid to be alone. My friend shared her story with me about her first relationship and how she was so afraid of being alone that she continued to be with someone she is no longer in love with. This she said, is as a result of her parents who passed on and leave her at the age of 10 – the only child. Every time she thought of leaving she would remember what it felt like when her parents died. Her entire body would shake and would eventually end up being hospitalized.

Life adjustment can be difficult. And we may respond in different ways. Our response has a lot to do with the way we were wired to cope with circumstances. Some of our coping mechanisms can be damaging rather than healing. How do you cope with the fear of change, losing someone or something? Does it scare you to lose the life you have for a better life?

Change is an inevitable part of life. How you manage it is important. Change means uncertainty, stress and anxiety. It will push you out of your comfort zone. Yes, that place where we’ve been or prefer not to be. When you are aware of what you are afraid of it give you a better advantage of how you respond to it. Accept the situation but avoid resigning yourself to it. See it as a positive opportunity to grow. Growth will mean stepping out of your comfort zone, so be patient with yourself. Your life belongs to you, and you are in control-create your own storyline. If you want a positive outcome start with your mind. Always leave room for new chapters and let go of what hinders you. Don’t be frustrated by what could go wrong use that same vitality to push past your fear.

4. Lament Instead of Finding Solutions

Are you one of those people who complain or whine over everything? Some people are complainers. And sometimes they give themselves the right to do so because they believe it is their right. Complaining is one of my pet peeves. Apparently, I have this thing within me that always tells me there is a solution for every problem.

Have you ever found yourself among a group of people who complain a lot? Or are you one of those people? Complaining about weather, slow traffic, slow, but free wi-fi, working long hours, people’s behaviour on social media, and so many other things. Some of them are in our control and others are not. Have you ever stopped and thought for a moment that the situation you complain about is solvable or even if it’s not you should “let sleeping dogs lie”? Have you ever stopped to think and ask yourself, “How is this helping me? Because as you may know that this type of attitude towards something you dislike or is not in your favour does not help to determine the outcome of the situation but may only make it worse. I agree that there are important things we complain about that need attention. But I am talking about the petty things that are out of our control and can possibly wait for another time or those things that we have no business with. Do you get me?

By simply knowing what is priority and important to you will save you a lot of energy and time. Before you complain think it through. I know we all like to be heard and understood, but finding a solution to our darling little problem is the best way to deal with it. Your attitude is contagious, have a good attitude, show gratitude and be positive. And when dealing with chronic complainers know they are miserable and may have underlying issues leading up to their complaint. If they aren’t happy no one else can be happy. Be mindful of the energy around you. Misery loves company.

5. Putting Yourself Down

When you put yourself down you are disrespecting yourself, and doing yourself a disservice. How many times have you dumbed down yourself because you feel someone else deserve to be ahead of you? How many times have you refused a gift or reward because you felt as though you aren’t of it? Sometimes we do it and don’t realize it. With much negative self-talk.

Putting yourself down is tantamount to self-bullying. The terrible things you tell yourself aren’t true. Treat yourself with respect and be honest with whom you know you are. Learn to accept the beautiful things that are gifted to you. Quiet the voice in your head that tells you “You don’t deserve it”, or make you feel guilty. Stop self-deprecating. It is off-putting and comes across like you are self-hating. When you are complimented accept it with grace and gratitude. BECAUSE you deserve it. We all have flaws and feeling like a mess sometimes is a natural part of life but that doesn’t mean we are not deserving of anything. You deserve every good thing.

Don’t feel bad for not wanting to give that speech or being that guest speaker. If someone didn’t see potential in you they would have never made a request. So go ahead, pat yourself on the shoulder. You’re not a failure and you are enough. You wouldn’t condone someone who is directing negative comments to you, so don’t do it to yourself.

“You are your own best friend. Never ever, put yourself down”.

Paul Coelho

4 Powerful Ways to Beat Distraction

I will always carry with me every wrong turn I’ve made in life not because I can’t get it out of my head but because I perceive them to be lessons. From this, I can actively take into account future actions and decisions to avoid the pitfalls of distractions that forever seem to intrude on our lives. There are many distractions out there to lure us into the web of deceit and failure. Not the ones you get when driving. Not the ones you deliberately construct to call attention to when you want to opt-out of obligations. But those that can gravely hamper our effort to grow and develop into the person we are thriving to be. Social media for example has become a huge part of our lives, and also a distraction for many of us.

Distraction can derive from many sources; both external and internal. It’s like an intrusion that keeps you from giving undivided attention to another.

External distractions such as social media and people are draining with social media being the biggest distraction, keeping us mentally preoccupied and neglecting many aspects of our life. It decreases our face to face communication skills and offers no real emotional connection. I like to think that social media is mindless. For example, recall lately when social platforms were down. I’ve seen the reaction of some people, and what I describe as hopelessness. It was as if their whole world was torn apart. Social media is not totally useless, but when used intentionally it becomes more rewarding.

People can also be a distraction. If you care too much about what others think or what is being said about you, it is likely to result in you drawing faulty conclusions. This can demolish your hopes and ruin your dreams. Likewise, spending time with people who are involved in activities that do not profit your personal development may also leave you feeling worthless and unproductive.

On the other hand, internal distractions can be worst than external distractions. Originating from your mind and perception. Self-doubt and self-criticism may be your biggest inner distraction. Random thoughts, constant worries and emotional states. These distractions are the stumbling block that dissuades you from pursuing your goal or even attempting it. One of my distractions was my mind. Bad judgement, trusting the wrong people and being preoccupied with things that do not matter.

What have you done to deal with distractions in your life? What dusty junk do you have in your mental space? Below I share with you 4 powerful ways that have worked and continue to work for me to beat distraction.

1. Declutter Your Mind

Many of us suffer too much from dwelling in our minds. Thinking about things we cannot change or do not exist. We burden ourselves with things that are out of our control and it becomes difficult for us to accomplish anything. And if you’re suffering from a lack of sleep this will exacerbate the situation.

When you eliminate unnecessary thoughts, fears and concerns it will aid in boosting your positive self and increase mental space. Regularly monitor your thoughts. Avoid pent up emotions and share your thoughts with people you trust. This can help you look at things from a different perspective and bring clarity to your thoughts.

Take a break to rest and recharge. Set aside your phones and television so you can have some personal moments for yourself. Keep a journal of your inner thoughts. Make a list of the things that worries you, your plans for the future, and other elements in your life that isn’t serving you in a positive way. Prioritize and learn to meditate as mentioned in another post.

2. Monitor Your Wandering Thoughts

You don’t have to be a character in a sci-fi movie to control your mind. But rather a decision that you want to entertain more healthy and positive thoughts. Take the decision to unravel why you feel the way you do. For you to do this you must be aware of your emotions and thoughts. In Another post, I will write more about awareness.

You cannot allow your thoughts to run uncontrollably. Why would you? Choose to be the person who is in control. Subconsciously our minds tend to create unhealthy and unwanted thoughts. But you are the thinker and only you can control your thinking. Start your day with the intention of being mindful of your thoughts and try to bring yourself in to focus when you are conscious of your wandering mind, and practice thinking desirable thoughts.

Use your mind to think constructively. Choose what you will allow to occupy your mind. At times it will seem as though your mind won’t let you do the work, but it’s up to you to choose to be in control. We all experience challenges from time to time, and if this is your current state you might find it harder to take control of your thoughts. If you are burned out and nothing seem to be happening you might want to slow down a bit, there’s only so much you can do to effect change in your life, but quitting is never an option.

3. Keep Your Goals in Mind

Many people seem to work hard to get what they want but haven’t been able to get to the level where they want to be. This may be because they have only thought about it many times but failed to formally set goals. After all, would you build a house without having a proper plan? In the same way, create a vision board that will constantly remind you of your goals. By knowing what you want to achieve you will be able to promptly concentrate your effort in the area. This is a powerful step towards your ideal future.

As you work towards your goals don’t forget to take time to savour the achievements. Good things take time. What might have been appearing as a dawdle is now forward progress inspiring you and giving you the confidence in your ability to achieve even more.

4. No Social Media ‘Protocol’ to Amplify Focus Time

Perspective is everything. You get home take a shower, have dinner then sit down and relax. No sound, no one, all around there’s silence. We all decide whether that is loneliness, freedom or an opportunity to focus on you. Be the boss of your time. Sometimes we get caught up with what is happening around us, with what is been fed through social media so it seems hard for us not to pay attention.

As humans, we are easily distracted. And in this age of technology and social media, we are even more susceptible to distractions. However, there are things that we can engage in to help us focus on ourselves. And it might seem extreme if you put away your phone, but this may serve as a positive step towards your development. Trust the method you set for yourself so as to become accustomed to your new habit. Being focused is no walk in the park, but it is possible to achieve what you have embarked on.

“If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that are weighing you down”.

Tony Morrison

6 Steps to Self Discipline

How do you effectively lead yourselves and others when it comes to discipline? It may be difficult when you wake up in the morning and you’re faced with the enticement of sleeping in. Many of us have had this experience. All great achievement comes from focus and self-control. We are not born perfect. We all have shortcomings. Many times we pretend our vulnerabilities do not exist. If you want to realize your goals you must not only know what you need to do but also be able to do it.

Maybe you are disappointed because you’ve started and can’t seem to move forward because of your lack of self-discipline or perhaps you are frustrated because you have started and although you are giving it all your effort and time you are not getting your desired results.

Then there is that giant in everyone’s life. That’s right! Temptation! The temptation to abandon what we’ve started. The temptation that distracts us and calls attention to how poor we are performing or cause us to question if we will ever lose those extra pounds and so many more. Temptation is all around us and within us. “You can start next week”, “You can make it a new years resolution”, says that tiny voice in us. Don’t let the noise of internal negative influence drown out your will to succeed.

Below, I share with you 6 steps if you are ready to cultivate self-discipline and transform your life.

Photo by Nothing Ahead on Pexels.com
  1. Be Open to Positive Change

When you are open to change it means you are willing to examine your belief system against new ones and decide which one you will hold on to. One thing is for sure, letting go is hard and easy. It is hard because you are giving up old habits, outdated customs and behaviours you were taught and have grown accustomed to, and can be easy once you give up your resistance to change. Being open to change helps to build confidence it also help you to be multifaceted and adaptable with a flexible mindset.

2. Connect With Like-Minded People

Ladies, you cannot surround yourself with negative people and expect positive results. This means people who share similar preferences, goals and opinions. If you are following a weight loss journey but always ending up in a fast-food restaurant, you need to follow a regimen that is related to your weight loss journey to support your outcome. If you like the Opera or wine festivals, go to meet people with the same disposition. The key is knowing what kind of people make you feel inspired and confident and motivate you to become the best version of yourself.

3. Know Your Weaknesses

What are your weaknesses? Can you identify them? Weaknesses are areas to develop or rid yourself of and nothing to be ashamed of. Take a pen and write down all the things that scare you or hold you back. For example, you can write how you dislike being among small-minded people or a habit of procrastination. Doing this will give you a better perspective and understanding of yourself and those things that are restricting you, so you can work to find ways to get rid of that baggage and improve on those that are worth it. Remember to take into consideration the benefits of changing and embrace every challenge that comes with it if you want to improve and grow to your full potential.

4. How Committed Are You

Knowing your level of commitment is as important as knowing your weaknesses. And not knowing how committed you are can limit you from progressing and achieving your dreams. For some things you do, there will be different levels of commitment. This will test your dedication and consistency to your responsibility. For that reason, you should remain focused and remember why you started, because whether what you are doing requires various amounts of commitment the journey and destination may be one. Ensure that your commitment lives up to your dreams. Your level of commitment will determine the quality of your success.

5. Imagine You’re Self-Discipline

I tried this in the past when I didn’t know what I was doing and failed miserably. Then I discovered the reason for ending up at a dead end. It occurred to me that although I had in mind what I want to do I had no passion for what I was doing and no proper direction and visualization. Passion is what propels us. It gets us thinking and doing. However, if there is no sense of purpose it becomes difficult to sustain.

A vital aspect of achieving this is visualization. This might seem like an impossible task, but with purpose and direction can be attained. Using all your five senses, imagine that you have already achieved the things you’ve embarked on. How do you see yourself? How do you feel? Your imagination has no limits, it opens your minds to possibility and sparks your inspiration. Imagine yourself walking into the life you envision and the type of person you want to be. It is you who have the power to enhance your creativity, improve your self-image and turn your dreams into reality.

6. Do The Work

I know you have the willpower to maintain and commit to your goals. Are you willing to make the sacrifice? Your decision to dedicate yourself to your goals means you must take action. Surround yourself with the right people who are willing to support you and your purpose. Be committed and willing to follow through with your responsibility. It will be hard at the beginning but once it becomes a habit it will be easier. Begin now and create a productive, fulfilling and rewarding life.

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment”

Jim Rohn

Welcome To Empowering Minds

Photo by Jessica Lynn Lewis on Pexels.com

Hello Everyone!

I am Odee,

Great to meet you. I am excited to share with you more of what I have to offer, from my experiences to my ideas and inspiration, ready to explode.

I will tell you why I created this blog and what you will be seeing.

Empowering Minds is a blog that focuses on Mindset and Personal Development. Helpful tips and articles for women and anyone on their level up journey, and those who are embarking on such a journey to reinvent themselves, and be empowered. Whether you are a novice or otherwise, Empowering Minds welcomes everyone regardless of what phase of life you’re in, where you’re from, your age, the colour of your skin or the texture of your hair.

This is a great place to find your tribe and be inspired.

Why I Started This Blog

For most of my life, I have worked in offices carrying out routine administrative work. Once I’ve reached the stage where I wanted something different as everything has become mundane, I felt I could safely settle into another job that can produce the results that I desired. This move was an absolute failure and downright dissatisfying. Subsequently, I realized that I had a deep desire for something dissimilar, more rewarding and exciting.

While hoping that  I will attain such things, I have never given it a complete thought or done what is required to achieve those things. As a result, what I thrived for lacked meaningful objectives, focus and direction. What else was lacking? A disposition that is reflective of my hidden ambition.

I am NOT an expert in the medical field. Information shared on this forum is related to my experiences and knowledge and draw upon the experiences of acquaintances and friends.

I have tried a million ways and have never ceased to try. Yet I underestimated my capacity to accomplish my efforts. Never give up on yourself. I’ll never give up on my goals and ambitions. Therefore, it is important that I acquire the right mental attitude which I absolutely believe is the starting point for anyone who’s embarking on their journey of personal development. Many of us are faced with a lot of drawbacks as we begin this journey. The books that I have read contributed to my well-being and understanding and give me much-needed insight into my life and propelled me towards my goal. I believe if one is aiming to become successful at anything we must forgo the things that weigh us down. And that includes people.

Everything originates with a thought and we must begin with transforming our minds.  After all, who doesn’t want to lead an exciting and fulfilling life?

Additionally, I am still on the path to becoming. And I still have those days when I feel stuck. But the beautiful thing about it – I refuse to allow the negatives to dominate me. It takes courage and strength and will never be easy. However, always remember you are stronger and braver than you can imagine. There is nothing you cannot achieve when you put your mind to it. However, we must let go of things that we once cherished and don’t serve us anymore. We can only experience true change when this is done. Nothing in life can hold us back except our own way of thinking.

If the desire to accomplish is within you it must be compounded by good quality thoughts. What are you thinking? 

If you want it, work for it. That’s the truth – the hard truth. It’s that simple. 

“All great achievement requires time.”

Maya Angelou

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White and Pink Flowers Beside A Canister

Have you ever felt as though no matter how hard you try to move ahead you can’t get past that rut? Have you ever felt as though you’ve tried everything to achieve your goals but only failed to do so? Are ready for the REMARKABLE life you aspired to have? This forum will help you to intentionally elevate your life and become the phenomenal individual you aspire to and are meant to be.

Hello There!

Are you:

  • Giving permission to the negative stories around you?
  • Frustrated because your plans didn’t turn out the way you want?
  • Trap in a habit or behaviour that has rendered you ineffective?
  • Still holding on to the idea that you cannot achieve your objective?
  • Longing for the excitement of the woman you are dreaming to be?
  • Eager for inspiration in your day to day living?
  • Set to discover your ability to become that REMARKABLE woman?
  • Confused and feeling limited?

It is time to elevate your mindset!

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