Have you ever felt like you have been compromising yourself? Do you feel as though you have put your happiness and priorities for others in the name of love and care? When I was growing up I had a personal rule. I refuse to lend anything I own to anyone who cannot take care of it. And my sister was the recipient of such a rule. That was my non-negotiable rule. I still work with it. Now that I am an adult I never knew these non-negotiables are what we are supposed to expand and uphold in our everyday lives. Can you relate? At times I was conscious of it but pay no mind. And of course, such a response would mean that it won’t get better.
Many of us have worked in places where there are non-negotiables. When those rules are violated there are consequences. How many of you have violated your own rules and have never thought about the importance of upholding your own values? All in the name of being a “nice person” or perhaps a lack of interest not knowing its importance. We often failed to realize that these values are what helps to shape our lives. I might also add that some of these non-negotiables are worth dismantling because they are of no use to us. And sometimes some of us have no rules.
Identifying Your Non-Negotiables
- Ask a close and trusted friend whose opinion you value, regarding their values and beliefs. This will enable you to realize what yours are.
- Write down your non-negotiables. Write down what you feel strongly about and would never change your mind about. View your list as temporary. In that case you can go back and revise after you would have thought about it.
- Things, people and places change so it absolutely fine if you have decide what you will keep and want to revise from time to time.
- Recognize those that are priority and those that can be put off.
- Be aware of your personal style so you can learn to practice and adapt to new and healthy habits.
Establishing Your Non-Negotiables
Establishing non-negotiables aren’t harmful as long as they are properly managed and understood by the people involve. You would do well to ensure that your non-negotiables are strongly established and respected by your circle of friends and family. This will form an integral part of the change process.
Your non-negotiables are specific to you that give you the blend between your personal life and those around you. However, be mindful of your behaviour with respect to your rules as they will evolve as you grow as an individual. If you have a clear purpose and direction it will be less complicated to connect with various levels of people.
Examples of Non-Negotiables
- Give Yourself Permission For Self-Development
We all want to have a better life. What is holding you back from pursuing your dreams? Is it family? Friends? Or your mind? Free your mind from those things which were ingrained within you from a young age and have no purpose; is outdated, and have no positive long term impact. Free yourself from the people and loved ones who would prefer to see you down than up. This is your right, and you deserve it. Dream so big that it scares you. Envision the life you want and make a commitment and take action.
- Keep Your Promises to Yourself
When you fulfil what you have promised yourself life can be exactly the way you want to experience it. When you make a promise to yourself eg., to quit smoking, you must make it a rule and hold yourself accountable. And for that reason, you can do what is best in your interest. Promise yourself to uphold those values that you’ve set for yourself no matter how incline you may feel to loosen up.
- Maintaining Healthy Relationships
If you have a good relationship with yourself it will be easier for you to have and maintain healthy ones with the people you have around you. Be clear about what you expect from others and ensure your relationships are purposeful. Knowing the basic principles of a healthy relationship can be meaningful, exciting and fulfilling regardless of the challenges you might encounter.
- Your Mental Well-Being
This is an important aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship. And that is why you should set core values, be assertive and consistent. Communicate your unavailability when you have to. Communicate your feelings. Give yourself the chance to focus on yourself. Remember, it all starts with you and what you want for yourself. What you want for yourself is not being self-fish, but instead a crucial component in maintaining healthy, safer and comfortable relationships.
Communication Is Key
This is important when building and maintaining relationships, so they can understand your objectives in a sincere way. Once you have applied them share what’s important to you.
Don’t beat yourself up if you are unable to meet your non-negotiables daily. Otherwise, if it becomes a habit take a step back and consider what might be hindering you. There are good and bad days, so go easy on yourself.
Change isn’t easy but if you consider your non-negotiables to be meaningful and important it will be less complicated for you to uphold. Just be certain they aren’t unrealistic non-negotiables.
“Waking up early, connecting with nature, and having my quiet time are priorities to me, and they are non-negotiable to.”Danette May